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I am posting a blog after an indecently long time:( The reasons are many but primarily because the ‘kar2ning’ bug bit me , and bit me where it hurts most, and I was admitted to the hospital for “kar2nia”, an incurable decease that needs constant feeding with ‘kar2ns’ in order to keep the patient breathing…
But in between when I surface for a normal breath I can manage to slip in a blog edge-wise and that is exactly what I had done now!
And the provocation ? 27th September was what UN had decided to call World Tourism Day!
So, on with that !

World Tourism Day

The 27th of September, is supposed to be ‘World Tourism Day’…United Nations World Tourism Organisation ( UNWTO ) has been celebrating this day as such since 1980 , I am told…!
The idea apparently is to spread awareness about the role which ‘tourism’ plays within the International community, worldwide!

And tourism is our staple food…here in Kerala!
Except when it backfires…:)
And thereby hangs my tale!

rotten holiday

Kerala is situated on the southwestern coast of India, a country in South Asia. This tropical paradise enjoys a unique topography with Arabian sea, a part of the Indian Ocean on the west and the Western Ghats on the east.
Me, I live here because I am a native, born and brought up here. After nearly 40 years living outside the state I returned in 2000 AD and am here for better or worse..:)

One of the few things this state is blessed with is the scenic beauty which prompted National Geographic blokes to call it ‘Gods Own Country’. We also boast of a long shoreline with serene beaches, hill stations and exotic wildlife, not to mention opportunities for enjoying Ayurvedic health holidays and many more… We further claim in the same breath of having a most advanced society with hundred percent literacy ( though that you have to take with a pinch of salt because it is the official boast:)
Having got all of that off my chest I feel sheepish to append another aspect of life here that sometimes make me hang my head in shame…

During one of the New Year celebrations in Kochi in the recent past the merry making was marred by sexual harrasment of women foreign tourists. Shell shocked and crying the visitors made a hurried departure even before the clock struck 12. Some youth allegedly misbehaved , maybe under the influence of alcohol or drugs or both, with the teenaged daughter of a tourist who had come all the way from Sweden to celebrate the New Year here , it seems!
I doubt whether they will ever make a second visit!

Other similar disgusting tales have been recounted , happening after dark in other parts such as beaches, roadsides et al.. including the worst variety!

Given all that I wonder how we, the guys in kerala , can ever ‘celebrate’ this day!
So much for Tourism…!

Things like this may be happening in advanced societies of the West but when something like that happens at my door step I look embarrassed and furious…
In turn…!

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I am an avid morning walker… 

I try not to miss any of my morning constitutionals !

Most of the days I am out by 6 am.

I simply love to walk, period!

Now that you have got the general picture I may also add that some of my friends even call me Johnny Walker..Some less charitable others say that I walked out of my mother’s womb! The latter of course might be a bit of exaggeration because if I had done that I would have fallen off the delivery table and broken my neck… and you wouldn’t be reading this epic piece:) !!!

Many people go for a morning walk because sometime, somewhere they have read that it is good for their heart ! At other times they have heard that it has a beneficial effect on one’s blood sugar, thereby giving them an escape route from the bad effects of wading into sackful of sweets day after day! And some men do it as a ruse to escape from the morning naggings of their ‘bitter halves’ 🙂

During my morning trips I have come across a variety of walkers who trudge along stoically , gulping down the God’s Own Air’ in large doses, like beached whales ! But one indisputable fact is that a large percentage of these people drop out and disappear into thin air , some after a few days, some after months!

I suspect some of the women walk because their neighbour walks, proudly displaying her belly button which had long ago disappeared into the folds of fat. I know about one lady who attends every office party religiously and indulges in some really daring acts of over-eating . The next morning she hits the road for a spin in the fervent hope that by the time she returns to her house she would have transformed herself into a ‘feather weight’…Fat hope!

feather weight

Another strange couple I have come across ( both women and consummate practioners of the so-called sport of ‘talkathon’) takes the cake ! They wag their tongues incessantly while on the move, leaning on each other… Serious walking happens only as a casual afterthought. The first is a shortie who laughs all the time like a hyena for no apparent reason at all while the other is an Amazonian who too laughs all the time but just for the heck of it! ! They stop walking only when their tongues get tired !

Then there is this senior citizen whom I walk with off and on . He is a past- master at multi-tasking. He moves likes a worker ant who has been sent away by his Queen on some urgent errand! He is always fiddling with his mobile phone to switch off its radio , but with little success! On his lucky day he may also meet a passing walker and would accost him as a long-lost friend while  tweaking the radio! Once the guy passes he would slow down to turn around and still tweaking the radio ( because I am 5 steps behind him, having exhausted all my energy trying to catch up with him) would  ask me in sotto voce:

“ Hey ! Who was it?”

He makes up his lack of ‘inches’ by the speed of his walk which strikes terror in the minds of other walkers on the same route ! Even the news paper vendor who , in his own right is a ‘death racer’ on mobike, has a healthy respect for this ‘star walker’! At times when I slow down his walking style ‘cross-fades’ into an “s” mode, winding from way side to way side , but still in top gear !

And then there are some other types of walkers who walk at a pace dictated by their dogs !
These dogs come in 3 shades:

walker's dogs

Category 1: The ‘Cheeta’ dogs:  You have to run after them, otherwise you lose them for good!
Category 2: The tortise dogs:  Lazy bums…You need to push them to get going !
Category 3: The constipated dogs …ahem..( more later 🙂 !

Handling dogs is dicey because of the animals’ uncertain pattern of bowel movements. Once I was walking in the Lake District in the UK along with my English friend and his wife with her dog in tow. She carried a good supply of tissues under her arm the purpose which escaped me at first. But once the walk started things became clearer and all pieces fell into place!

She would stoop down every now and then and pick up delicately the dog droppings and store it in a paper bag , admonishing her ‘baby’  for not being civic minded! I wanted to suggest to the lady that she should try using a diaper for her dog ! But being their guest of honour I kept my councel to myself!

diapper dog

The Category 3 dogs- the constipated variety – have the will but not the wherewithal! I have seen walkers’ dogs arching on closely planted feet and struggling to produce some output while their resigned owner hangs around looking embarrassed, waiting for something to emerge! And the passers-by look at him with compassion and move on because they have nothing much to offer!

Finally, there is one more category of walkers as far as I know, but they do not walk on the roads in the mornings . So I don’t see them but I am well aware of their existence . They have no fixed times for walking.. I met a fatso of this kind one day in his home and suggested he take regular walks in the mornings to fine tune his health, or what there was left of it.

“ But I do walk man, I do! Every day!” He replied with a scowl on his face as though what I was saying was sacrilege .
“ But I don’t see you outside at all, mon ami”  I tried a bit of French as I had heard he had flown over France once.
“ Mon Cher!” He gave back in the same coin… “ I walk from my drawing room to the toilet at least twice every day …More , when I have an upset stomach!”

Touche…!

I quit!

After studying all these various types of’ walkers’ I have finally come to this conclusion: –
“Walk alone and you will walk tall !”

Bye for now!

 

 

 

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Foreign jaunts are usually meant for ministers politicians and money bags…For most of the rest of us ‘ordinaries’ what is destined are only jaunts in dreams…

I had one recently, just after retiring for the night…

I dreamed that I had taken a trip to a foreign country…

When the aircraft landed on the tarmac with a thud the earth shook a bit , may be because the pilot bugger was a trainee or a retired pile driver 😦 These folks use us dream travelers for “target practice” !

The ‘thud’ may have been a small one for the country, but a much bigger one for its neighbour! Apparently the plane’s ‘thud wave’ traveled like a “terrestrial Tsunami” , getting amplified as it dashed single-minded towards the neighbouring country and grew into a god-awful Earthquake with a magnitude of 7.4 on the Ritcher scale when it hit its target!

That is my theory , of course! It is yet to be proved! However, as a matter of fact there indeed was an earthquake or rather two in the neighbouring country around that time which gives some degree of credence to my theory…, if you discount the fact that the earthquakes hit a few days after my ‘arrival!

( We bloggers are a privileged lot with some leeway given for improvisations and are allowed to practice a bit of fact-twisting, now and then y’know! )

Days later, while being driven from home to a friend’s place I came across an interesting ‘pastime’ of some of the locals . This involved burning what looked like black round rings from a distance, which later turned out to be car tyres! As if to lend a helping hand to the choking smoke that accompanied these rituals the local peace keepers lobbed a few well-aimed tear gas shells into the inferno ! These were warmly welcomed by the burning tyres with open arms and the two had a swell time doing a tango together! I enjoyed those fireworks , albeit with a bit of my heart in my mouth!

Subsequently , I had my own share of many of such incidents while being driven through the neighbourhood ! Observing these incidents , it occurred to me that perhaps the business of selling tyres for feeding such fireworks could be a more lucrative proposition around here , better than selling the cars themselves. And who knows, at some point in time as the past-time gains popularity the up-beat dealers might even remove all the new tyres from the vehicles as and when they are delivered from the factory . They can then sell them to the incendiary experts at a good price , after throwing away all remaining waste material such as the engine, body, wheel rims interior furnishings et al….

Image

I was also entertained by some other forms of breath taking displays of fireworks which always came after the ‘tyre sequence’, much the same way little babies follow a marriage ! I did some research on this and came up with some awesome findings… I found out that these entertainments are provided by the use of a special device which is produced using a patented and a jealously guarded technology credited to a smart-ass guy called Molotov. These devices go under the trade name of ‘Molotov Cocktails’. Having said that, if you happen to go into any beverage shop in the market looking for these devices you are bound to get disappointed… and that is NOT because the local laws frown upon drinking in public! …!

I did some further research and delved deep into the origin of this WDM ( weapon for mass destruction ) and came up with some interesting findings…..

Comrade Vyacheslav Mikhailovich Molotov was a Soviet politician and diplomat, an Old Bolshevik guy . He was a leading figure in the Soviet government from the 1920s, when he rose to power as a protégé of Joseph Stalin , to 1957. As with all these sudden rises of ‘proteges ‘, the poor chap was suddenly booted out from the Presidium (Politburo) of the Central Committee by Comrade Nikita (‘patch-on-the-head’) Khrushchev !

What now follows is pure conjecture…”putting two-and-two -together” kind of thing, y’know;)

Reasoning shrewdly ( and that is yet another of my special talents ) I realised that after getting the elephantine boot from Comrade Khrushchev’s well-shod foot in the small of the back , our wretched Comrade must have got thoroughly demoralised and ‘dispirited’ ! And what did he do?

Well he went and brewed up a spirit-lifting strong drink …and Vodka be blowed! But unfortunately , maybe by miscalculation, the man used a wrong kind of ingredient, called ‘petrol’ in the making of his recipe ! Now liquids like petrol ( as every terrorist child knows ), show a strong tendency to blow up in one’s face when ignited in closed spaces …

The end game? Our friend Comrade Molotov had his come-uppance and got himself “martyred” .

Well folks, thus was born the now famous’ Molotov Cocktail! ( I have sent this theory off for patent approval, response awaited:( !)

Why all this blah-blah now, you may ask and you well may! On the above mentioned occasion I had a grand stand view of two of these wonder portions winging their way over my head into the unknown almost brushing my car’s bonnet and my offended ego! I was not privy to what they did in the end! However, I heard a loud bang- rather two- and from the look of things, the quiet neighbourhood must have got its beautiful ass singed!

It was then , that I was rudely shaken and brought back to reality by some one shouting..

I say , dammit, you just fell off the bed, man ! ”

And when I opened my eyes I saw there never could have been a truer statement of facts! I was sitting on the floor, with my better-half staring down at me , her eyes full of concern!

Well, so much for my “dream jaunts”…:(

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Musings of a Mu2nist

When I started this blog, it was conceived as a place where I can go to town with my creative urges in drawing and writing!
( anywhere else I would have been thrown out unceremoniously;)
That was why I gave it the name “Lost Loff- where I post my ‘Komments and Kar2ns’. Unfortunately ‘ over a period of time it got mutated into just a lot of ‘wind’ and a few scrawny kar2ns 😦

The other day I sat back and took stock of this pitiable state of affairs at Lost Loff…the last one posted was a long time ago, in June 2012, to be specific, and I said to myself: This won’t do, son!

I have now decided to start posting my ‘mu2ns’ ( kar2ns without text or minimal text) at a more frequent and regular intervals so that after a visit to my blog people won’t go away muttering: ‘Oh, God! this guy has frozen along with his pen!

I will try to add a few words about the subject of the kar2ns so that the mixure will be a balanced bull-s**t;)
Of course, if you still don’t like it you can go away,
muttering: Oh, God, this is S**T!

i-Pad and after…

Whether you like it or not, this damn gadget has become a much sought-after style statement! You got to have one for no reason other than that the neighbour’s kid has managed to acquire one! A guy I know bought a desktop PC a few years ago, and kept it on his table because a man without a PC in his house stood out like a woman without a husband in toe , in a marriage function! He had not much use for the PC because for one thing he was “highly uneducated’ and equally “compu-illiterate”, albeit , stinking rich ! Secondly he didn’t know how to switch it on and boot it into life ! And asking for help was considered infradig, in this era of “gadgets and gurus”.

Then he heard another gadget called ‘Laptop’ was making waves in the social
circles . So he divorced his ‘desktop” ( it had by this time got thoroughly “rusted” due to non usage, anyway ) and went and bought a laptop. He didn’t have any use for that either and so that too started gathering dust..that is , until he heard that another stunning little gadget called ‘iPad ‘ has hit the market! So he went and bought it too .
Yes you guessed it correct, he soon found out that he didn’t have much use for that too and so he gave it to his son, because the latter complained that all his friends , sons and maybe daughters too, have one !
And what happened next ?

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I got quite a few words of appreciation about my site from people thro trackbacks. This was when I was blogging under blog.co.in. However that blog was washed away by hackers ,wiping out all the database in that server. However since I was fortunate to have taken a back up of my site I could revive it under wordpress.

So just to let my visitors know, I am giving those comments hereunder. If any of these guys visit this site under wordpress and happen to read this post, I would request them to :
1. Note the name of my ‘re-avatar’ed site- that is this one: https://lostloff.wordpress.com
2. Make once again their earlier coments here in this site so that they become part of my site, since I value those coments very much:).
In the meanwhile welcome to my new post : Gold’s Own Country’!
Bye for now…
kar2nist

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Dear Visitors, There seems to be something amiss with this site. The graphics in my posts all seem to be missing. Also  the feeling I get while trying to upload or embed kar2ns is that there is some problem with the server. I have written to them and till I get their reply and clarification I am holding further posting because my posts without kar2ns are incomplete in themselves. Sorry for the break, as the TV guys say!

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The Smart Sh***y  !

This is the second time I am talking about this matter in my Blog.   Under normal circumstances I wouldn’t have done an encore. However here is  case that is crying out loud for a ‘repeat’ !

A ‘mega project’ that was ‘ tom-tomed’ about for more than 2 years in Kerala is nearing its ‘grave’ phase after many ‘ups’ and ‘downs’. The much hyped  Smart City, planned to be juxtaposed with the Infopark in Kochi is being prepared for an indecent burial…

When it was announced initially ,  Keralites  from far and near were thrilled… The excitement was revved up by thoughts of its possible beneficial spin-offs..   This was a heaven-sent gift to the Gods’ Own Country and could be a panacea for all its ills including  unemployment…they thought.

However, its progress, for what it is worth,  was more a nail biting wait. Oftentimes  media IN boxes were flooded with correspondence of anxiety,  whenever the project came close to its ‘downs’ – and there  were many in its  growing up period.

Hopes were raised high and many well-settled families living in the area  got the boot  at the sword point of governmental authority to make way for the planned extravaganza. Meetings after meetings were scheduled and held with the promoters and fell through like nine pins …

All because of a free-holding land issue which became the main bone of contention!

The promoters wanted 12% freehold land which they said was there in the agreement . But the Government ( read ‘VS’ ) feared that these bourgeois will sell it once they got their hands on it and make a fast buck . Bourgeois  making a ‘fast buck’ ,  must be  anathema to the communist ideology. So  the Government ( read er… well, let’s leave it !)  stuck to its stand  like a leach, and to hell with the aspirations of the ‘am admis’  of Kerala’s.

So It said  No!….
And the Promoters said ‘Yes!’ …
And It emphatically said NO…NO… NO…!

And the promoters  emphatically countered: ‘YES’ ,and added two more , … ‘YES… YES’…to drive home their point!

That was the pattern of dialogue most of the time during their numerous ‘fruitful discussions’!

The Government  also quoted for good measure, ‘other reasons’ for its dilly-dallying posture, such as…

> Poor relationship with Promoters ( who caused it was not known!)
> Centre’s antipathy towards Kerala’s  request to give SEZ satatus to the project ( blame it on the CENTRE when you are stymied… )

Given half a chance they would have also   cited force majeure eventualities  like:-

-A mongrel  on the newly done-up road to Smart City site pissed with abandon on the ‘SMART CITY marker board which being of Govenment quality collapsed immediatly and added to project cost 😉

-The cat on the roadside winked leacherously  at the visiting Promoters making their morale sag like an old whore’s tits…

Well…anything that  helped  them  to do some more dithering …

The promoters  of course sat through all these verbal calisthenics with a tolerant  smile , perhaps savouring the pathetic  cussedness of our  comrades- in- arms…
And they appeared least concerned about cats and dogs and their antics..

Last  heard , the parties had what the chairman called a statotary meeting of the Board on the 30th of  March 2010. But apart from  jacking up the expectations of the masses,  all it helped to do was to take the fizz out of the  tea party that accompanied it with  no serious discussions to remove the stumbling blocks . Not even the ‘much accustomed to’ dialogue cited earlier  … Bah!
Mum was the word on all “embarrassing matters”, said the Minister!

Even now, the  Chieftains of this still-born project  appear to be  in no great hurry to pursue the matter and bail out this suffering southern state of India from its many self-inflicted woes.  On the other hand, they seem to be  quite sure that their concerted efforts to ‘talaq’ the state out of its promised deliverance  will bear fruit very soon. So they are   contemplating ,with a show of dare devilry , ‘other  alternatives’ such as  procuring a new   partner to take the project forward…

And with their track record, that  attempt also may meet the same sad end.

Be that as it may, some new  initiatives may be taken by their political archenemies  to revive  the project   once they win the  next elections, which appears to be  a cinch  . But so what?…

The outgoing ‘non-performers’  are sure they can thwart all efforts of the  former with gusto. They know  that they , as the new “Opposition” , will   have   a bucket-full of  ‘monkey wrenches’ and ‘spanners’ up their  rolled-up sleeves to derail it…
And that will happen…Sure as the nose on your face…

In the end, we the hapless people of Kerala will have all but lost yet another prestigious project , coming as it does in the wake of its predecessors like  the Nokia and BMW plants , to some other more enterprising and pragmatic   State.

And we the people  of ‘God’s Own Land’ will be the losers, which ever way the cookie crumbles…

And crumble, it will…

The nagging question that remains in my mind ,however, is this :-

What will happen to those poor people who got the short end of the shoe ?
The ‘grave diggers’ should answer it, I suppose!

Click here>>>gravemistakes

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