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Archive for the ‘exagerated humour’ Category

Hi Folks, it is a long time since I have posted last time. But then better late than never:)

So here goes…….

4G Names

In the earlier days names were given to the kids at a naming ceremony, especially by the Hindus in Kerala. And each of those names had a meaning… some were the names of Gods and goddesses, some were the names of seasons ( girls) some from scriptures and some were those of their elders . The telephone directory also came quite handy while hunting for names! 

Whatever, they all had a meaning. Hindus had names like Narayanan, Krishnan, Shivan , Gopalakrishnan etc. Christians chose names like John , Philip ,Thomas , Joseph .. etc…Muslims also chose meaningful names for their kids… 

However , things have changed now! The modern names chosen are a jumble of alphabets, such as Biju, Saiju, cinchu ,bonju, shiju, shinu, tintu,buntu, to name a few …The list is endless as one can make all kinds of sounds and translate them into words! …I was pondering over this and was at a loss to understand how these guys could have pitched upon such atrocious names for their kids! Finally I concluded my research and decided that a possible modus operandi of theirs could be as follows! 

On the day of the naming ceremony I would imagine the entire household and friends ( and maybe some enemies if invited ) gathering in the yet-to -be- named- kid’s home on a fine morning… They would all sit down to wolf down a sumptuous breakfast ( at the expense of the hapless parents ) so that the chosen methodology for selection of names would produce the best results! A name that no one else would have thought of till then is the aim of the exercise…in other words a unique tag ! They then would pray to whatever god(s) they believe in, invoking His blessings and cluster around a round table with grave faces that would normally be sported by husbands whose prayer for a dead wife hadn’t quite struck pay dirt:)…

Next to the table would be kept a basket with pieces of paper carrying the letters of the alphabet of whatever language the name has to be in.. The fans are switched off so that the breeze from above does not produce any embarrassing results!

The eldest or oldest relative , usually an uncle on the mother’s side ,would now dig his right hand into the basket with half-closed eyes chanting some incomprehensible mumbo-jumbo . Surfacing with a bunch of paper slips in hand he would look upwards as though seeking God’s permission and also to ensure that the fans have stopped rotating…He would then throw the slips into the air above the round table with a flourish… As the pieces of paper come tumbling down some will land on the table-top. The balance would decend to decorate the floor below!

When the dust has settled down the slips that are on the table-top are read out, either from left to right or from right to left depending upon the language of the family and…. lo and behold! You have a brand new name for your new born, a unique name!
And to hell with what it means ….or what it doesn’t!

(click to enlarge)

names for enfente terribles

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“The Taj Mahal is ( or shall we say, ‘was’ ) a white marble mausoleum located in Agra, Uttar Pradesh, India. It was built by Mughal emperor Shah Jahan in memory of his third wife, Mumtaz Mahal.( these emperor guys do get around, don’t they! They must learn from the Emperor Penguins! One wife and no roving eyes!)
The Taj Mahal is widely recognized as “the jewel of Muslim art in India and one of the universally admired masterpieces of the world’s heritage”-
So says Wikipedia!

At the end of the last century the Indian Government noticed the growing polution problem caused by the tanneries in and around the area in which the Taj is situated . This was threatening the health of the structure!

So it started a program to save the monument’s shiny white marble façade since it was showing a strong tendency,( most monuments have a mind of their own;), and turning yellow. Over $150 million were spent on restoration but it did not help much. I fervently hope that money really went into the project and not into someone’s pockets;)

Corrosion has unfortunately continued and acid rain in that area has also caused a change in the color of the façade. Some years ago restoration experts started putting mud packs around the façade to bring back the building’s shiny white color. For all the good it did, however, the government might as well have used all that face packs on the faces of all those old women coming to the beauty parlours all over the country , with much better results!

In fact if Emperor Shah Jahan were to resurrect himself he , after one look at his poor wife’s monument would have started to look around for a convenient rafter to hang himself from…that bad it is now!

The following kar2n sums up the situation , albeit a bit exaggerated !

Father, son and Taj

Father, son and Taj

Long Live Taj, white or black!

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I have come across many folks who would love to get themselves photographed or video-graphed, with or without some celebrity or other, for a keep-sake pic. Some like to be shot with their spouses ( rather rare ;), some with well-known artists, some with people in power…and some even with their neighbour’s cat, if the animal permits it…But it is not everyday that you stumble upon a woman who has a death-wish-like urge to get herself ‘shot’ in the labour room!

Birth is a very private affair . In the olden days in societies such as the one in which I grew up , not even the husband would be allowed to watch it live ! Why, as a boy I was not allowed to watch even the calving of ‘Shanthi pashu’, our family cow! That was the prerogative of my mother her sister and their cousin. They used to sit around and wait right into the small hours of the night when the process took too long to get completed! Gulping down cups of hot black coffee,with a whif of butter and exchanging gossip about the neighbour’s wife delivering triplets while he was away in the far off Gulf for a full 3 years they would mentally urge ‘Santh Pasu’ to get on with the act while turning the event into a mini social affair!

I have watched on the telly, courtesy Animal Plant, some scenes of wildebeests giving birth to their young on the plains of Serengeti National Park in Africa. To me even that act appeared to be a somewhat messy and disgusting sight! But what happens when one of the homosapiens chooses to get her labour efforts filmed , if not quite choreographed , in the presence of a bunch of outsiders, such as a film crew -consisting of the director , camera men and whoever else that happens to go by- ? I I find no words to describe it…

But that was exactly what happened in Kerala recently when a well-known director of a malayalam film in making chose to shoot a labour sequence live in a hospital , in order to make a scene in his film as close to reality as possible! It was ‘Show time in the Theatre’ ! The ‘famous’ actress involved was getting ready for this ‘famous’ shoot for the last 9 months! She and her obliging hubby had no qualms at all to go through the act in front of the cameras ! I shudder to imagine what would have happened had the director decided to call ‘Cut!” half-way through the ‘process’!

The actress appeared subsequently in the newspapers , cuddling her ‘cheweeti’ baby and accompanied by her leading man in real life , to receive a film award from the Chief Minister! All hale and hearty and none the worse for her ‘Open House Delivery’ 😉 !

The Chief Minister looked quite relieved while handing over the award , now that it was too late for him to be invited to inaugurate the famous delivery act!
‘Oh God, deliver’ us from these deliveries ‘ is my prayer, now !

In these days of Reality Shows, I won’t be surprised if something like this also happens …

shot in the act

Tail Piece: According to a recent news report , the actress , her hubby , the director , perhaps the baby too, and a couple of ‘stand-arounds’ were served legal notice a few days ago for this ‘heinous act of daring’ which, the plaintiff contented, tarnished ‘ womanhood ‘ for good !
See you soon…

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There is nothing wrong  if someone  thinks  a bit too high of himself or herself and wants others to know it, provided of course the ‘others’ can  stomach it. In the power corridors everywhere in the World there are determined folks who try to  broadcast  this inner craving by putting up huge life-sized statues of themselves  at road junctions, in the compounds of official buildings or anywhere where these eye sores won’t be missed. The late Saddam Hussain is an infamous example! One of his statues was up-rooted with the whole world watching the event. So he did have  a statue of himself put up – at least one!  )

Usually statues are erected only after a great man kicks the bucket and joins the angels or the devils, depending upon his ‘ karma’  . It is not considered appropriate to do this while the guy is alive and kicking.

Given this scenario , what was reported in the Indian Press  a few  of days ago makes shocking reading. The Chief Minister of Uttar Pradesh in India , it is understood, has  decided to add an extravagant signature-line in her state  by putting up not one,  but a large  number of these ‘monstrosities’  (  you can’t blame the sculpter for that, given her attributes  ). And she excelled herself by making the Exchequer foot the bills!

No small figure that, mind you, just a ‘kool’ Rs. 300 crores-or  Rs. 3000 Million ( take your pick ) . One has to admire her gall !

Look at the counts: 46 staues of herslf and her cronies, 60 statues of mammoth elephants- her party symbols-  ( the ‘cronies’ apparently do not include them  ), 5.5 lakh metric ton of pink and red stand stone, all at an estimated cost of Rs.3000 crores, if we  are to believe the newspapers! ! The annual maintenance alone is said to be a mind-boggling Rs.270 crores. A single  statue  of hers will set the goverment back by as much as Rs.1.7 crores!

Wow! She has class , this woman, and we must grudgingly salute her for that !

‘Nothin’ cheap for me ! ’ , she must have said to herself!

Why do people do such obnoxious things? In her case there seems to be a ready-made , albeit laughable, explanation. Being from the ‘backward class’ she says she wants to send to the people of her caste  a message:
‘Despite the social, economic and political handicaps we face , any one of us can still scale the tallest of heights ( exchequer willing , of course ) as I have done’!

Bah! Stuff and nonsense ,  the English would say.

Well, the flip side  is that the Supreme Court of India has directed the country’s premier investigating agency to probe the matter, thanks to a Public Interest Litigation filed. But the wily old vixen has out-classed the Court by unveiling some 15 of these in a hush-hush manner well before the apex court could put a monkey wrench into the works…Hats off ,lady, may  your tribe increase !
And at that rate  in the days to come , one  may even see happenings  like this !
> Click here satute-craze

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There are doctors and doctors…

The most commonly known are the medical type that treat your illness and treat you to a fat bill later !  They come in various hues depending upon their field of ‘specialisation’. They could be ‘doctor of the nose’, ‘doctor of the head,  ‘doctor of the bottom’ or  maybe ‘doctor of the rear’ , just to mention a few fields of ‘specialisation’. 
They all add a harmless, demure ‘Dr’. in front of their names, and are addressed as Doctor So and So. As the area of specialisation dwindles like water holes in Serengeti in summer , their market rate for treatment undergoes changes in inverse proportion.

Then there is a  lesser known variety – that is ,  lesser known to the general public – These guys operate in  academic ecosystems. They include people holding degrees like PhDs, DScs etc which they  acquire after  doing higher studies and research work . These degrees are  generally awarded on the basis of their research work and their ‘theses’, as also the mood of their guides, among other things. They  do research work in all sorts of fields  depending upon their guide and his specialisations ( read ‘what he knows better’ ). One of the strangest doctorate degrees that I had heard about was awarded to  a clever ‘doctoral aspirant’  who did some fantastic research and produced an algorithm to measure the surface area of an elephant’s skin, the practical use for which was known perhaps only to him, his guide and maybe the elephant. It is also not known whether the algorithm addressed  ticklish issues like the incremental changes in the skin area as an elephant’s pregnancy advanced or during the period when the pachyderm  is  wacking up a super meal .These folks  also append the magic ‘Dr’ in front of their names. Of course, sometimes this can cause funny situations, like when a Doctorate holder in Physics gets called up in the dead of night to attend on the pregnant wife of a neighbour , who is in labour! ( the wife, not the neighbour…  )

The last of the variety are guys who  acquire what is called a ‘ honorary doctorate’ or a honoris causa. They may also be genuine doctorate holders like our ex-president Abdul Kalam or Dr.Manmohan Sigh on one hand , or even  someone from the film industry or social circuit,  on the other.

According to Wikipedia, ‘ An honorary degree or a degree (Latin: ‘for the sake of the honour’) is an academic degree for which a university ( or other degree-awarding institution) has waived the usual requirements (such as matriculation, residence, study and the passing of examinations). The degree itself is typically a doctorate or, less commonly, a master’s degree, and may be awarded to someone who has no prior connection with the institution in question.
Usually the degree is conferred as a way of honoring a distinguished visitor’s contributions to a specific field, or to society in general. The university often derives benefits by association with the person in question’

However, these people are not supposed to append the word  ‘Dr’. in front of their names.   Nor are they supposed to be addressed as Dr. So and So. Of course that is theory.
We often come across in our country usages like  Dr. K J Yesudas or Dr. Amitabh Bachan or Dr. Kalaingar ( double kill ) Karunanidhi  – mostly by the over-enthusistic organisers of functions while introducing them or referring to them while they preside over functions. Either the perpetrators of the ‘sin’  do it in their exuberance , say fans, or the concerned recipients turn a blind eye to this wrong practice, just to bask in the unofficial sunshine. Either way I feel it is an unfortunate and disgusting practice which should be stopped. ( Hope some of them are reading this…;-)

On the lighter side,  one can imagine some funny situations   wherein  these doctors can get caught with their pants down!…click here >>Deli_worry

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Roads everywhere  in the world are used for transportation of people and goods…but not in Kerala , the Gods Own Country…

Here, they appear to have been built  for an entirely different purpose – for political parties and other ‘aggrieved’ groups to show off their collective might . These people attempt to achieve this by blocking busy roads through the mechanism of an ‘indegenously’  developed   ingenuous  methodology called ‘Processions’ –also known as “Demonstrations” ,   equally deadly !  Perhaps that is one reason why the maintenance of the roads doesn’t rate very high in the our Government’s priorities. After all, they are not meant for people or vehicle movement…so why bother?

There are Processions and Processions. Some are ‘nano’-sized,  a few  numbers  in strength  and moving in a single file ,  mewing mildly as it were.  Then  there are ‘Mother of all Processions’ which comprise of hundreds or even thousands of people advancing belligerently and occupying entire width of roads, sometimes even  spilling over the edges.  They roll broad side on and like  “Godzilla”, raze everything in their path to the ground , leaving  behind mind-boggling  amounts of trash , waste and empty rum bottles…

Irrespective of their make up , political leanings  or their so called ‘cause’, they all achieve the same ultimate end….  block the roads and traffic movement for varying lengths of time ,  depending on the speed of their progress and  the whims  of their organisers  .

The progress of these Processions varies  from slow to dead slow.  And during their passage  the traffic and public wait stoically, albeit cursing silently. Most  Processions  follow the dictum:   “Maximum Inconvenience to Maximum People”. Of course, the hardships caused by them  to the general public may not be as severe as those caused by  ‘Bandhs ‘and ‘Hartals’. But they  clock  on the Richter scale for public life disturbance- had there been one – only a couple of notches below those of the latter  variety.

Slogans are an inseparable part of these shows of stage-managed anger…  They however appear to be of a standard format with ‘place holders’ where the words appropriate to the event being enacted are substituted. These slogans are chanted by the leader in a sonorous voice and repeated by the followers in a mindless drone with badly orchestrated body movements .

It  is a moot question whether any of those who mouth these slogans  really understand or care about what they say .  It is alleged that for the ‘heavy weight’ processions , bus loads of people are invariably  brought in from outside  with the promise of  food , drink and money . It has become just another job and  a means of lively hood for these ‘Professional Processionists’…

All  Processions  are invariably  organised on working days and at a time  when the office goers and school going kids are sure to get  hit hard.  Neither the Police nor the Administration seems to  be able to do anything about it. Violence is invariably a part and parcel of these events  which needs only a small catalyst to erupt . The police  stand as mute spectators  of these undemocratic manifestations-ostensibly for crowd control , instead of being elsewhere looking after other more pressing  law and order situations …

In Hyderabad , it was mentioned in the papers, there is a law banning rallies and processions, albeit in anticipation of the forthcoming elections… Here we fret and fume, Haplessly…Helplessly…

I sometimes wonder what really is achieved through these demos! Sorry… bad thinking!

Will the  people of Kerala ever get a respite from these ‘pain in the bottom’s ? From the look of things…..narry a chance!… Unless  we   organise an antidote for this nuisance .

CLICK HERE..>>Road blockers of the worst kind

Read Full Post »

Roads everywhere  in the world are used for transportation of people and goods…but not in Kerala , the Gods Own Country…

Here, they appear to have been built  for an entirely different purpose – for political parties and other ‘aggrieved’ groups to show off their collective might . These people attempt to achieve this by blocking busy roads through the mechanism of an ‘indegenously’  developed   ingenuous  methodology called ‘Processions’ –also known as “Demonstrations” ,   equally deadly !  Perhaps that is one reason why the maintenance of the roads doesn’t rate very high in the our Government’s priorities. After all, they are not meant for people or vehicle movement…so why bother?

There are Processions and Processions. Some are ‘nano’-sized,  a few  numbers  in strength  and moving in a single file ,  mewing mildly as it were.  Then  there are ‘Mother of all Processions’ which comprise of hundreds or even thousands of people advancing belligerently and occupying entire width of roads, sometimes even  spilling over the edges.  They roll broad side on and like  “Godzilla”, raze everything in their path to the ground , leaving  behind mind-boggling  amounts of trash , waste and empty rum bottles…

Irrespective of their make up , political leanings  or their so called ‘cause’, they all achieve the same ultimate end….  block the roads and traffic movement for varying lengths of time ,  depending on the speed of their progress and  the whims  of their organisers  .

The progress of these Processions varies  from slow to dead slow.  And during their passage  the traffic and public wait stoically, albeit cursing silently. Most  Processions  follow the dictum:   “Maximum Inconvenience to Maximum People”. Of course, the hardships caused by them  to the general public may not be as severe as those caused by  ‘Bandhs ‘and ‘Hartals’. But they  clock  on the Richter scale for public life disturbance- had there been one – only a couple of notches below those of the latter  variety.

Slogans are an inseparable part of these shows of stage-managed anger…  They however appear to be of a standard format with ‘place holders’ where the words appropriate to the event being enacted are substituted. These slogans are chanted by the leader in a sonorous voice and repeated by the followers in a mindless drone with badly orchestrated body movements .

It  is a moot question whether any of those who mouth these slogans  really understand or care about what they say .  It is alleged that for the ‘heavy weight’ processions , bus loads of people are invariably  brought in from outside  with the promise of  food , drink and money . It has become just another job and  a means of lively hood for these ‘Professional Processionists’…

All  Processions  are invariably  organised on working days and at a time  when the office goers and school going kids are sure to get  hit hard.  Neither the Police nor the Administration seems to  be able to do anything about it. Violence is invariably a part and parcel of these events  which needs only a small catalyst to erupt . The police  stand as mute spectators  of these undemocratic manifestations-ostensibly for crowd control , instead of being elsewhere looking after other more pressing  law and order situations …

In Hyderabad , it was mentioned in the papers, there is a law banning rallies and processions, albeit in anticipation of the forthcoming elections… Here we fret and fume, Haplessly…Helplessly…

I sometimes wonder what really is achieved through these demos! Sorry… bad thinking!

Will the  people of Kerala ever get a respite from these ‘pain in the bottom’s ? From the look of things…..narry a chance!… Unless  we   organise an antidote for this nuisance .

CLICK HERE..>>Road blockers of the worst kind

Read Full Post »

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