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Archive for April, 2011

When you see a  ‘high-so’ lassie sail  into a beauty parlour wagging  her sexy hips , ostensibly for a ‘face-fix’,  the first thought that crosses your mind is:
Why do they all go there to get mutilated a face that could have launched a thousand ships?
In fact this is a mystery that bugs me every time I glance through a women’s magazine carrying a Beauty Parlour Ad…

Tune into any  Women’s Programme on the Telly. Invariably you come across a beautician pumelling with derision an otherwise normal face of a hapless volunteer strapped to a punishment chair!
The poor victim  is imobilised in a semi-horizontal position on the reclining chair and is left to vegetate while  the beautician  explains to the camera the A-B-C of the mayhem being committed, blow by blow! The camera then zooms in on the mummified face and its ‘cocoonish’ resemblance!
In the end the face  loses whatever shape God Almighty had intended it to have , all in the name a ‘facial treatment”!

If  all those  transformed Beauties who  emerge from the parlour after undergoing the ritual do not manage to sink a thousand ships,  it is only because the ships’ captains must have caught sight of the avalanche of apparitions  in time to take some diversionary actions  !

Not to be outdone and declared as fosilised ‘have-beens’, the middle-aged housewifes also flock into the ‘Parlours’ for similar face jobs so that when they return home they can make the poor bread-winner feel older than his 70 –odd years!  Also, after  one look at the Parlour Bill the poor sod would collapse like loosened trowsers around a drunk’s legs !

Then there is the B.M.P offerings of the Beauty Parlours…… ( Read  ‘Bridal Metamorphosis Package’ ). Before proceeding  to the ‘nuptial’, the bride is escorted  to a parlour that  specialises in ‘bridal mayhem’ . It is strongly suspected that this is done  to ensure that after one look at the offered specimen,  the prospective groom decides to settle for a meek existence ever after !

Face pack, back pack , six pack… you name it and the ‘Beauty  Parlours’   all  have it waiting in the wings , so to say,  ready to sock the unsuspecting ‘client’   right in her solar plexus and initiate proceedings to divorce her Money from her Purse …

When a babe goes in here , sporting her God-given charms such as  her lovely locks of curly hair, it is ten to one that the Beautician takes one  penetrating  look and decides that straightening those curly locks is exactly what the doctor had ordered…
All for a measly sum that could buy you and me a nice meal in a 3-starer for a month!
Why straighten it at all ? Well… because , according to the Beautician, it is the ‘In’ thing and all the girls who are her customers have opted for it! That, not withstanding the fact that some of them already had straight hair to start with!
And I won’t be surprised if , in such cases, the Beautician had given  them some sound  advise to curl it…

‘The Dress sense ’, whatever that may mean,  is the next articulation tool for making a  fashion statement these days.
The propagators of this bizare concept are the Botiques who bring out mind boggling varieties of expensive monstrocities at regular intervals to woo their fashion hungry clientele who have wads and wads of cash…

Talking about dresses, in recent times the neck lines of the ‘modern partying gal’ have taken suicidal plunges into the nether-world , exposing   wide  expanse of her ‘Body Serengeti’, right up to her  ‘naval button’.
Her ‘Down Under’ apparel has also not been spared by the fashion onslaughts! In fact, one act of sheer savagery centres around the art of making of  a pair of ‘Designer Shorts’…

Take an otherwise superb, expensive  pair of jeans , cut it its legs off in a zig-zag fashion ( pun intended!) ,  the  more the zig, the better the zag ,    right up to  the pubic level, pull off  a few hundred yards of thread  so as to  make the edges look like as though the Great White of the Pacific ocean had had a go at it…  At the end of the exercise,   you have an “In-pair” of mini shorts  good enough to wear to any  party in town which is being  held in honour of the ‘clothes-less poor’ of  the city…

The designs of upper garments have also taken great strides . From  the  normal ones that were once supported  by a pair of sleeves , they have now  evolved into some tantalising  creations which  hang precariously by the thinnest of threads from the shoulders ! The ultimate nirvana of course are  the latest fads sported by TV presenters during Star Night bashes! These  are  daringly and dangerously ‘pegged’ on one’s own boobs! One deep exhale and they can  come crashing down,  giving untold viewing pleasure to the public!
And then there is the  jewellry…………

Some hangs from the ears like an old hag’s tits , reaching into the depths below…! Some others  flow over  the neck area like the recent Tsunami in Japan…Yet others   entwine  the upper arms, resembling an  anaconda intent on giving the short end of the stick to a careless capibara in the Amazon  swamps…

The next in the line are the Abu Ghraib-like torture appliances for women created  by some devilishly devious designers . Mind blowing varieties of ‘high altitude’ footwear which are a ‘must’ accessory  for  a high profile party-going gal…. How   the hell do these dames balance on those 6 -inch daggers defying the laws of gravity is always a matter of extreme wonder and perplexity to the average onlooker !

Finally to spice up the entire ensemble,  there are other wonder discoveries like the belly button studs, the bull’s nose rings , the ear crucifications…and many more  which all help to make the ‘modern lass’  look singularly Oh-My-Godish!
At the end of the day, the   victim  turns into a thing of ‘beauty  that is a nightmare for ever…

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